Almost Famous

Continuing Bill Simmon’s brilliantly constructed column relating “Almost Famous” quotes to current NBA situations. I will continue with a list of my own, tackling the entire sports world.

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/090727


http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/090728


51.
Let's deflower the kid

One would think this would refer to Big Ben’s alleged rape of a Las Vegas hotel employee. Actually I will go a bit deeper. Big Ben is the kid. The ever trusting, well adjusted, considerate fan favorite. This first “blemish” on his professional athletic career has deflowered him, bringing him down to reality. He will forever look over shoulder and watch both sides of the road before ever crossing. Life off the field will never be the same for Mr. Roethlisberger.

52.
It's unfair that we can't listen to our music!
That's because it's music about drugs and promiscuous sex.
Simon and Garfunkel is poetry!
Yes its poetry. It's poetry of drugs and promiscuous sex. Honey, they're on pot.

It’s unfair that we can’t enjoy Baseball anymore. Anytime a feat is accomplished or a record is broken, the question of performance enhancing drugs has to be brought up. There are no more heroes in baseball…no more myths. Who ever thought the game would be so corrupt, that it actually makes Pete Rose look like Pope Benedict?


53.
I'm never as good as when you're there.

Another reversal. Some would say this is the NFL talking to Brett Favre….try again. I read this quote and think about Brett Favre sitting in the dark in his guest bedroom, while his wife is sleeping, on the phone talking to the NFL. What else does the man want? He is the most hallowed and respected competitor the NFL has ever seen. He is beloved by every coach, agent and player in the league. He has made a fortune; he has seen the top of the mountain. He has endured an uncannily successful, grueling NFL career playing QB in one of its coldest, most smash mouth climates ~ the NFC North ~ and lived to talk about it. He should have been to the NFL what Yogi Berra is to MLB. I feel bad for his family and especially his wife. Perhaps his flip flopping with retirement is more about his distaste for them rather than his love for the game?

54.
Can you believe these new girls? None of them use birth control and they eat all the steak!

Can you believe the recent shitpot that has become the NBA draft in the past 10 years? Everytime I see a draft player’s name & country of origin (both of which I can’t pronounce) I want to choke myself until my ears bleed. That’s really all I have to say.

55.
Listen to Tommy with a candle burning, and you'll see your entire future.

I had this vision when I was about 14 years old. I listened to probably the most famous Tommy Lasorda rant following a Dodgers game ever. This was the game in which Dave Kingman hit 3 home runs to beat the Dodgers (June 4, 1976); Tommy Lasorda was asked by reporter Paul Olden what he thought of Kingman's performance. The rest is history; my life would be forever changed.

56.
Darryl says that you use knowledge to keep me down. He says that I'm a "Yes" person and you are trying to raise us in a "No" environment.

Why can’t the most diverse, industrialized, 3rd largest country in the world embraced the game of soccer? The purest sport in the world ranks behind gag-fests that are NASCAR and Tennis on the US sports popularity list.

57.
I love you. And I'm about to boldly go where... many men have gone before.

Anyone who talked shit about then signed with either the L.A. Lakers or Boston Celtics in order to get a championship. (Rasheed, Ron…pay attention)

58.
FECK YOU!
HEY!
This is a house of lies!
Well there it is, your sister used the "F" word.
I think she said "feck."
What's the difference?
The letter "u."

WWE: a band of dramatically fixed, juiced up, money & attention hungry athletes pushed by blood sucking ad-men and contract negotiators.

MLB: a band of dramatically fixed, juiced up, money & attention hungry athletes pushed by blood sucking ad-men and contract negotiators.

What’s the difference? The acronyms.


59.
All the kids make fun of him. They call him the Narc behind his back.
What's a narc?
It's a narcotics officer.
Well, what's wrong with THAT?

Every man, woman or child who watches/plays/coaches or is involved in sports in any way, shape or form…..start idolizing Larry Fitzgerald….right now. It will be a really long time until we get another one.

60.
Aw, man. You made friends with them. See, friendship is the booze they feed you. They want you to get drunk on feeling like you belong.
Well, it was fun.
They make you feel cool. And hey. I met you. You are not cool.
I know. Even when I thought I was, I knew I wasn't.
That's because we're uncool. And while women will always be a problem for us, most of the great art in the world is about that very same problem. Good-looking people don't have any spine. Their art never lasts. They get the girls, but we're smarter.

Me and Kev…..but somehow we managed to get the girls…… :)

Just Announced: Toronto Blue Jay’s trade requests for Roy Halladay.

1. A lock of hair from a leprechaun.
2. Front row seats to a Michael Jackson court hearing.
3. Cheese from the moon.
4. A time machine.
5. The entire Washington National's roster.
6. Three of Kurt Warner’s 52 children.
7. Monetary copyrights to the letter “R” and the number “7”.
8. A lifetime supply of Wonka Bars.
9. The Liberty Bell.
10. A talking Koala bear.