NFL Predictions

AFC EAST

1. New England Patriots - an 11-5 record without Tom Brady. 1 year of resting and impregnating super models proves to be the "Juvie Juice" needed to make a SuperBowl run.
2. New York Jets - Look for Mark "Dirty" Sanchez to wipe his...um..."talent" all over the division. The players relate to Rex Ryan and reward him with a playoff berth.
3. Miami Dolphins - Sorry Tuna, the wildcat offense has a sophmore slump.
4. Buffalo Bills - T.O. is a joke and so is the offense in Buffalo.

AFC WEST

1. San Diego Chargers - L.T.'s wheels fell off last year, but with a strong D & help from Sproles, the bolts win a completely anemic AFC West.
2. Oakland Raiders - better doesn't mean good.
3. Kansas City Chiefs - a little better doesnt mean they still won't suck. Let's see Cassell throw to someone not named Welker or Moss.
4. Denver Broncos - wow, what a shitty mess. watching Kyle Orton play QB is as comfortable as watching Michael Richards' standup act.

AFC NORTH

1. Pittsburgh Steelers - The team to beat....if they stay healthy and Hines Ward remains serviceable. If not... watch out for the Ravens.
2. Baltimore Ravens - Flacco is impressive but his uni-brow annoys me, so they get 2nd place.
3. Cleveland Browns - The Dog Pound has bark but no bite. Hey it could be worse, you could be playing in Detroit.
4. Cincinnati Bengals - OchoStinko has a meltdown by week 4. The team ends up with a 3-13 record.

AFC SOUTH

1. Houston Texans - The young talent finally breaks through. Slaton has a pro-bowl year.
2. Tennessee Titans - Too much drama hovers after McNair dies & Vince Young wishing he was dead.
3. Indianapolis Colts - Colts stumble and miss the playoffs. Peyton trade rumors circulate after he voices his displeasure with the new coaching staff.
4. Jacksonville Jaguars - Del Rio is fired halfway through the season for not being able to win with a team that is without a QB, WR or both offensive or defensive lines.

NFC EAST

1. Philadelphia Eagles - Hide your Beagle, Vick's an Eagle. Much to the chagrin of PETA, they go 13-3 and are poised for a SuperBowl run.
2. Dallas Cowboys - Cowboys excel behind a great roster and new stadium, but in the end Romo holds them back yet again. Mark my words, he will be on Dancing with the Stars in the next 2 years.
3. Washington Redskins - Don't expect much from Daniel Snyder's overpriced-underachievers.
4. New York Giants - Eli is going to wish it was McNabb who shot himself in the leg in a nightclub in a city that has a zero tolerance law on carrying firearms. His new $97 mil contract proves to be a bad omen after having a sub-par year without Plaxico & Derrick Ward.

NFC WEST

1. Arizona Cardinals - If Leinhert plays, they lose. If Warner plays, they win. It's that simple. Hightower is a beast and they have the best receiving core in the league.
2. St. Louis Rams - Assuming Bulger's pinkey is ok, the Most Improved Team award goes to the Rams. They have a solid year and barely miss the playoffs.
3. San Francisco 49ners - I want Singletary to succeed so much it hurts but i dont think he has the talent, even in a weak division. Consolation? hopefully another post-game speech that makes me want to run through a wall. (fingers crossed)
4. Seattle Seahawks - Everytime I think of Hasselbeck, bright green gloves and rain...I want to kick myself in the groin. 4-12 sounds about right.

NFC NORTH

1. Minnesota Vikings - Although I can't stand Favre, he is the missing piece on a very good team.
2. Green Bay Packers - mmm...cheesy, but not good.
3. Chicago Bears - Da Bears will be about as consistent as Cutler's blood sugar count.
4. Detroit Lions - 0-16? not quite, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. Even with significant improvement they can only be as good as the Rams and Bengals were last year.

NFC SOUTH

1. New Orleans Saints - For the first year since Katrina, these guys will fly under the radar, plus no more Kim Kardashian to hold down Reggie. If their defense can play well enough, their offense can beat anyone.
2. Atlanta Falcons - Should challenge New Orleans. The offense should open up and Matt Ryan's game should flourish with Tony Gonzalez, but last time i checked having Tony on your roster didn't necessarily make your team good.
3. Carolina Panthers - Delhomme is finished, Peppers doesn't want to be there, John Fox just laughed after that ridiculous pre-season loss to NYG. Not a good start.
4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Chucky trades a headset on the sidelines for a headset in the booth. Buccaneers play will look a lot like the guys up north in Jacksonville, so don't expect to hear too many cannon balls being fired during their home games.

AFC Championship: Steelers vs Patriots

NFC Championship: Eagles vs Cardinals

Superbowl: Eagles vs Steelers

Superbowl XLIV Champion: Pittsburgh Steelers